Holidays and special occasions can be tricky to manage when you’re co-parenting. Both parents may want to spend time with their child during these memorable days, and it’s important to create a plan that keeps things fair, reduces stress, and ensures your child has enjoyable celebrations. In this article, we’ll go over how to set up a co parenting holiday and special occasion schedule that works for everyone.
Why a Holiday Schedule Matters
Having a clear plan for holidays and special events helps reduce misunderstandings, avoids last-minute arguments, and makes these days more enjoyable for everyone involved — especially your child. A holiday schedule lays out exactly where your child will be on days like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or their birthday, so each parent knows what to expect.
Creating this plan also helps children feel more secure. When they know where they’ll be for each holiday, they can look forward to celebrations with both parents without feeling torn between the two.
Step 1: List the Important Holidays and Events
The first step is to make a list of the holidays and special days that are important to you, your co-parent, and your child. These might include:
- Major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter
- Birthdays (both your child’s and each parent’s birthdays)
- Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
- New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day
- Religious or cultural holidays that your family celebrates
- Other important dates like family reunions, graduations, or special events
Make sure to consider both sides of the family. For instance, if one side of the family has a big Thanksgiving tradition and the other side has a big Christmas celebration, you can plan around these traditions.
Step 2: Decide How You’ll Split the Holidays
Once you have a list of important dates, it’s time to decide how to split them. Here are some common options:
- Alternate Holidays: One of the simplest ways to share holidays is to alternate them each year. For example, one parent might have Thanksgiving with the child in even-numbered years, while the other parent has Thanksgiving in odd-numbered years. You can use this approach for any holidays that both parents want to celebrate.
- Split the Day: Another option is to split the day, with one parent celebrating in the morning and the other in the evening. This can work well for holidays like Christmas, where one parent might have the child for Christmas morning, and the other for the afternoon and evening. Splitting the day works best if both parents live close to each other to avoid long drives.
- Celebrate on Different Days: If both parents want to celebrate the same holiday but are flexible about the actual day, consider celebrating on different days. For example, if one parent has the child on Thanksgiving Day, the other parent can celebrate “Thanksgiving” on Friday or Saturday. Kids often enjoy having two holiday celebrations, and it takes the pressure off the actual day.
- Shared Holidays: Some families celebrate together, even after separation. If you and your co-parent get along well, you might consider spending certain holidays together with the child. This might not work for everyone, but for some families, sharing holidays creates a sense of unity and helps the child feel connected to both parents.
Example: How Megan and Josh Plan Their Holidays
Let’s look at an example of how one family handles holidays.
Megan and Josh are co-parents to 7-year-old Ella. They agreed to alternate most holidays, so Megan has Ella on Thanksgiving in odd years, while Josh has her in even years. They also split Christmas by giving Megan Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, while Josh has Ella from Christmas afternoon through the evening.
For Ella’s birthday, Megan and Josh decided to celebrate together, at least while Ella is young, so they both get to be there. When she’s older, they plan to ask Ella how she’d like to celebrate, giving her a say in how her special day goes.
This plan keeps things fair, gives Ella a chance to spend time with each parent, and helps everyone know what to expect during the holidays.
Step 3: Write Down the Schedule
Once you’ve decided how to split each holiday, write everything down. Be specific about the details, like pickup and drop-off times, and whether one parent will have overnight time. For example, you might write, “Thanksgiving with Dad on even years, from Wednesday at 6 PM to Friday at 6 PM.”
Having a written schedule helps avoid confusion, and it makes it easier for both parents to plan around these special dates. Ideally so that everything is enforceable over the long-term, you will codify the co parenting holiday schedule and file it in court.
Step 4: Be Flexible and Open to Changes
Life is unpredictable, and things don’t always go according to plan. Even after the ink is dry on your co parenting plan, to the extent possible, be willing to adjust the holiday schedule if something comes up. For example, if one parent’s family plans a big event for a certain holiday, consider switching that year if it doesn’t disrupt the schedule too much. Flexibility shows that you’re focused on what’s best for your child, and it can make co-parenting more harmonious.
If your child is old enough, ask for their input, too. As kids grow, they may have their own preferences, like wanting to spend New Year’s Eve with friends. Listening to their wishes can help them feel respected and make the holidays more enjoyable for everyone.
Step 5: Plan for Future Changes
As children get older, their needs and schedules change. A holiday schedule that works for a 5-year-old might not be as suitable for a teenager. Plan to review and adjust the holiday schedule every few years or as needed, so it keeps working for everyone.
For instance, when your child is young, they may enjoy being with each parent equally on the holidays. As they grow up, they might want to spend time with friends, travel, or try new things. Being open to revisiting the schedule as your child grows will help it remain relevant and supportive.
Final Thoughts
Creating a holiday and special occasion schedule is an important part of co-parenting. By making a list of important dates, deciding how to split the time, writing everything down, and staying flexible, you can set up a plan that works for both parents and, most importantly, supports your child’s happiness and sense of stability.
Holidays are meant to be joyful and memorable, so putting in the time to plan can make them enjoyable for everyone. A thoughtful holiday schedule can reduce stress, prevent misunderstandings, and help your child feel connected to both parents. With a little planning and open communication, you’re setting the stage for positive, meaningful celebrations — no matter which house they’re in.
